31 December 2010

you know those days that are full of joy and rosiness?
that was my tuesday.

nothing but love and harmony flowing between my husband and me.
it was glorious.

i hope that next year is filled with like days.

27 December 2010


long overdue.

what did i learn during the 30 days of 80's tunes?

  • 80's alternative is much better than the crap we have on the radio these days.
  • the aesthetic standards of our time are much more rigid than those of the past. we now have really good looking entertainers with zero talent. in the 80's pop-stars didn't need to fit the molds we have today.
  • listening to music from my childhood/past is comforting and makes me happy.
  • i am grateful for my musically hip parents.

11 December 2010

tunes: day 30

the final selection. one of my all-time favorites. possibly my favorite song ever, and this blog's namesake.

i cannot say enough good things about this song. i feel like it has inspired my music tastes.

great lines to listen for:
"perhaps someone you know could sparkle and shine"
"and i love you"
"shooting stars around your heart"
"don't sell the dreams you should be keeping"
"where feelings not reasons can make you decide"
"as leaves fall down, splash autumn on gardens"
"look at me with starry eyes, push me up to starry skies"
"if love's the truth then look no lies
and let me swim around your eyes
i've found a place i'll never leave
shut my mouth and just believe
love is the truth i realize
not a stream of pretty lies
to use us up and waste our time"

10 December 2010

tunes: day 29

i'd be remiss to not post a depeche mode song.
i could post many. i love them and have for a long time, but i choose this song because i remember stealing my parents' cd to listen to it over and over. as i listened i'd picture the hands from labyrinth.

09 December 2010

tunes: day 28

this song is going through my head at this very moment.

a lot of music i loved in my childhood was sung by flamboyant men, or loved by flamboyant men (abc, erasure, pet shop boys, etc.). i went through a phase in elementary school in which i only listened to erasure. i choreographed a dance to each song in their album wild!. i had a show planned, complete with costume changes, hair and make-up, and an intimate audience of my family, grandparents and closest friends. i made sure that each piece would fit in our living room. the show, unfortunately, never happened.

check out andy bell's hot little dance moves...

08 December 2010

tunes: day 27

one of the first music videos i remember seeing. and one of the first 80's songs i remember liking separate from my parents.

07 December 2010

tunes: day 26

this is my favorite tears for fears song.
my mom has pictures of herself hanging out with the band. i thought it was so cool and told myself that i would grow up to be a girl that hung out with bands. in elementary school, i aspired to be a groupie.

Tears for Fears Sowing the Seeds of Love
Uploaded by Celtiemama. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

janelle once mentioned to me that this song has a sound reminiscent of the beatles. i didn't realize it was such a controversy until searching for this video. from my youtube research, quite a few people with too much time on their hands are very upset with this form of "plagiarism".

06 December 2010

tunes: day 25

packing up my many cameras reminded me of this song.

i used to think it was so silly. i still do...

05 December 2010

tunes: day 24

the last new songs i've posted i don't have any specific memory of. maybe my brain is just frazzled.

today's song...

where is pete burns today? here.

04 December 2010

tunes: day 23

we had some interesting cars when we first moved to vegas. the favorite was a huge lincoln town car, lovingly nicknamed "the beast". these days only had tape players, so we'd listen to my parents old tapes as we drove around. my mom found a tape that my dad made for her when they were dating. this was one of my favorite songs on it...

03 December 2010


...as i pack boxes and cody packs brains.

a haiku written three days into our marriage. on a bus from the ferry to victoria's city center.

we are safe to say-
pleasure and joy have become
synonymous now.

during our first post-mission meeting, cody and i discussed man's search for happiness and confusion between joy and pleasure.

tunes: 22

cody studies all day every day lately. total goody two shoes.

i'm really loving adam ant's style. i'd like to borrow his jacket.

02 December 2010

tunes: 21

poll: do you think i can convince cody to let me do his make up?

01 December 2010

tunes: 19, 20

well guys, i'm slipping. the reality of moving and the end of the semester is setting in and i'm engulfed by items on my to-do list.
i forgot to write yesterday, as i spent all day on a final paper.

this first video is not an song from the 80's, but one of my favorite songs by a band made popular in the 80's. i grew up with lots of new order in my house. i used to get them mixed up with depeche mode. not any more. i choose this song for november 30 because the paper i wrote that day mentioned feeling delicate.

New Order - Crystal
Uploaded by scootaway. - See the latest featured music videos.
i really love the video.

for today's song... "she drives me crazy" by fine young cannibals. a. their band name is awesome. b. cody is buried in law school books and outlines and stress. i'm trying my hardest not to drive him crazy. i spent this evening sequestered in our bedroom.

29 November 2010

tunes: day 18

i heard the no doubt cover of this song on the radio this evening. i like the talk talk version much more.

my most vivid memory of this song took place toward the end of my elementary school career. i had overheard my mom talking about the music video. some people believed that the wildlife footage was a commentary on animal cruelty. i convinced myself that that was the message of the song. i remember sitting on my bathroom floor, listening to my dad's old talk talk tape, explaining to lauren what (i thought) the song meant, with tears streaming down my cheeks. (i was a high strung little kid. i cried often about the state of the world.)

Talk Talk - It's My Life (UK Version)
Uploaded by EMI_Music. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

french uproar

today i gave an extra credit presentation on the french band yelle.

the presentation was short and went kind of like this: yelle is composed of three members: yelle, grandmarnier and tepr. yelle (the person)'s real name is julie budet. the nickname comes from the acronym you enjoy life put into feminized form (yel+le). she was born january 17, 1983 in brittany, france. yelle writes the lyrics. the others help write music and produce.

then, i explained why i chose to share the song "ce jeu". when i came home from taiwan last summer, i wanted to fill my life with the music i had missed out on. dave helped me and shared yelle's album pop up. "ce jeu" became my summer anthem. i loved how peppy and fun it sounded.

then, i shared that the song is about two immature lovers that manipulate each other and play hard to get. i also wrote some cognates for the class to listen for on the board.

lastly, i showed the video below.

afterwards, we discussed. the older women in the class were extremely vocal. one insisted, to the point of yelling, that yelle is transgender. she said that no movements were feminine and no body parts shown seemed to be female. another said that the video was incredibly offensive. a handful of people went on and on about this. a few younger students looked at me and mouthed that they liked the song.
i liked the video until today. now i'm just confused.
also, not until it was projected onto a big screen in front of the class did i notice yelle slipping a nip. does she really or is it just me?

28 November 2010

tunes: day 17

another of janelle's favorites...
alison moyet has an amazing voice. now that thanksgiving is over, we can start listening to her rendition of the coventry carol.

in sixth grade i came up with a very elaborate science fair project based on students' ability to perform mathematic and reading comprehension tasks while distracted (or helped) by music. i wrote quizzes and proctored my peers while playing classical music, pop music, country music and "i before e except after c" by yaz. this is the point where my classmates started to wonder about my ears.

"only you" can be agreed upon as one of yazoo's most beautiful songs.

27 November 2010

tunes: day 16

after the last few days being posted very late, i'll post today's very early.
right now it is in between yesterday and today. i'm not sure which it is. my home is full of fabulous guests. my insomnia has driven me to the only unoccupied space-the bathtub.

this late/early hour and my setting have come together, influencing me to post some oingo boingo. boingo frontman, danny elfman, is the genius behind a lot of tim burton's film's soundtracks. i especially love him as the voice of jack on the nightmare before christmas.

like many of the songs i've posted, "dead man's party" always left little jade with strange imagery.

i love how unthreatening danny elfman looks. i feel like he has to work pretty hard to be scary.

ps what i'm actually listening to is something beautiful by explosions in the sky.

26 November 2010

tunes: day 13, 14, 15

did i really skip 2 days?
the kitchen had taken over my mind and time. soup, salad, side dishes, settings, savories, sweets...

now, thanksgiving is over. but here is a song from the 90's.

and now, the songs that should have been posted days ago.

tunes: day 13
in honor of keith.
i don't know anyone else that listens to the the (except cody, now that he has started listening to my dad's itunes collection). this song reminds me of sitting in the backseat while my dad drove, and his singing voice.

tunes: day 14
in honor of janelle.
this is one of her favorite songs of all time. it reminds me of dancing around the house with her. she would teach us how to dance like she did in the 80's. i especially loved learning how to skank. this also reminds me of her singing voice.

i wish i was brave enough to rock a bic-ed head. janelle was brave enough to rock green hair and a mohawk.

tunes: day 15
in honor of cody.
where is the tenderness? right here, in our house. my dear cody has been so wonderful this week. i'm certain that without him i would have ended up running around like a mad woman down the streets of tucson. thank you, love.

General Public - Tenderness
Uploaded by EMI_Music. - See the latest featured music videos.

23 November 2010

tunes: day 12

unfortunately, i was awoken very early this morning by a phone call from one of my students.
fortunately, i'm in a much better mood today than i was last night.
i've already gotten quite a bit done: read blogs, wrote a blog, mopped the entire first floor, cut, seeded and roasted butternut squash for thanksgiving soup, watched a special on outsourcing employment.
and cody and josh are almost done with the car.

being that today is off to a really great start. i'll play happy music that i love. (i'm sorry about day 10's awful songs.)

ps i'm sorry, this was the best quality i could find.
pps doesn't it make you feel like dancing?

tunes: day 11

i'm sorry. this one is a little late. today had kind of awful parts, and a not so great ending. cody is staying at his brother's house tonight (not because he's upset with me, but because our car in out of commission and sitting in their sideyard waiting to be worked on early in the morning). i cannot sleep, so i'm watching jimmy fallon on hulu. and that is when i realized i didn't post anything today/yesterday/monday.

because the mood in my bedroom is so glum. i'm posting some 80's songs that i don't like. they happen to do with cars in some way or another.

i think this song is boring. always have.

i hate the cars. i think ric ocasek is gross. but, i have one good memory of the band... janelle was in pep club as a high schooler. she used to sometimes show us her dances and cheers. one of them was to "shake it up". i will never forget her shoulder shaking lean forward to that song.

right now i hate cars. i look forward to walking everywhere in d.c.

21 November 2010

tunes: day 10

my favorite song by flock of seagulls.
and one of the best love songs of all time.

happy sabbath!

*team kirzawa readers: expect a lot of pictures in the next few days. i'm catching up.

20 November 2010

tunes: day 9

the other day one of my students and i had a great, relatively deep conversation about being a mexican in the u.s. he mentioned food city, and i laughed about the only time i have ever been to the store. i was the only white girl in the place, the speaker above my head played a hispanic radio station and every store announcement was made in español. fernando laughed and the conversation moved to mexican food. i told him that mole was my favorite. he cringed (he doesn't like it much) but raved about his mom's mole. she heard and now insists on a meal of mole as a going away gift. i can't wait.

some of the songs i liked as a little kid seemed to amuse my parents' friends. this is one of them. i remember singing it aloud and making the adults around me laugh. (another distinct memory of this type of happening was outside of the coffee garden on 9th and 9th in salt lake. my auntie shawna told her friends that i love pearl jam. they asked me to sing something. i broke out into song, sing/yelling jeremy and daughter. they laughed and later gave her some pearl jam posters to give me.)
i also remember walking through lax on our way to hawaii when i was 2 or 3. we had just stopped at a gas station where they were playing wall of voodoo. i skipped (i learned to walk early) through the airport, avoiding cracks and tiles representing lava, singing "mexican radio" to myself.

19 November 2010

tunes: day 8

on a day filled with frustrations, i choose this song.

no specific memories, just absolute love for "don't dream it's over".

ps through watching this video i realized that they are australian! see the vegemite on toast? also, they have a new album out.

18 November 2010

tunes: day 7

i hear that keith was quite preppy back in the day. once, while rummaging through my parents' cd collection, i came across a haircut 100 album. i asked my mom if they were good and she told me that my dad used to dress like the band. stylish.

i also love their hit "boy meets girls". especially his little high pitched sound.

17 November 2010

tunes: day 6

both of my parents love love love the cure. for years their best of album, "galore", was one of the few cds in the car.

i have a distinct memory of getting gas with my dad when i was about 4. this song was playing as he refilled the tank. the image of spider man in a huge web, rolling me up in his silk like the spiders i had watched on the discovery channel went through my head. i was terrified, until keith got back in the car and the song changed.

now that i'm older, i still love the cure and many of their songs. but, mostly, i just wish i could pull off red lipstick like robert smith. (i heard him say in an interview a few years ago that he continues to wear make-up because his wife loves it. maybe if cody loved me with crimson lips then they'd look good on me.)

ps yes, the cure is covered all the time. yes, many of those covers are rubbish. but, the get-up kids do a great "close to me".

16 November 2010

tunes: day 5

i'll probably post two songs that used to make me cry.
this is the first.

i remember thinking about major tom never returning to his family. i'd breakdown hardcore as an elementary school student at the line "give my wife my love".

Peter Schilling - Major Tom
Uploaded by Tunashaker. - Explore more music videos.

15 November 2010

tunes: day 4

i love hearing different reactions to and memories of these songs i'm posting. thank you, commenters.

my most vivid memory of these song took place in the 90's, after we moved to vegas. i constantly listened to my parents' tapes and cds (mingled with my no doubt and chumbawumba albums). my parents' bathroom was huge in my eyes, and showering in there was so much cooler than using the one i shared with my sisters. in their bathroom they had a stereo with a 6-cd changer. one of the cds in there was "doot-doot" by freur. i would listen to this song on repeat as i showered and took more time than necessary drying, lotioning, etc.
most of the time when i listened ferngully-type scenes went through my head. i assumed that this had something to do with the album artwork until i looked up the album cover today. nope. i have no idea where the jungle scenes in my mind came from. listen to the song with your eyes closed. what do you see?

14 November 2010

tunes: day 3

today is sunday, so...

this song was released before my birth, but was played often in my home. u2's albums war and joshua tree were staples.
to this day, "sunday bloody sunday" is my favorite u2 hit.

13 November 2010

tunes: day 2

"dream kitchen" by frazier chorus is one of my all-time favorite songs.
i remember sitting, listening with my dad (it was his album), trying to picture what was being sung in the song. i was very confused, as a preschooler. who would want to dry their hair in the kitchen?
now, i just adore the song. i think it's beautiful in its own right. the 80's were full of pure and wonderful mens' voices.

12 November 2010

a month of bitchin' tunes

hope you guys are getting totally amped...
over on the team blog a while ago, i made mention of posting my favorite 80's music.
what better day to start than the one after we celebrated my birth?
so, here you are... a huge thanks to keith and janelle for setting me up with such sweet sounds.
expect little anecdotes of my memories with the songs, or why i love them, or what i think of them now.

shall we begin?

for the first song i choose "wild thing" by tone loc.

my parents used to listen to this song on the radio without thinking about their first-born paying any attention. then, one day my grammy was babysitting me and i said to her, "i need fifty dollars to make you holler."
from that point forward, they knew i was listening.

09 November 2010

ineffable love
comparable to nothing
what you do to me

bless my dear husband.

is this love?
yes, it's love?
now it's love.
must be love.
this is love.
yes, it's love.
now it's tough,
must be love.
and it's love.
yes, it's love.
this is love.
must be love.
it is love.
yes, it's hard.
no it's not.
must be love.
this is hard.
no it's not.
must be love.
must be love.
it is love.
no, there's no doubt.

04 November 2010


50 days to Christmas!
I suddenly crave the holiday after coming across the poem "The Bells" by Edgar Allan Poe.
My senses are atingle with phantom stimuli filling the living room. The scent of wassail is wafting from the kitchen. Sufjan's Christmas album pleasures my ears. I can imagien the brisk gust of wind outside as it would nip at my nose and fingers. Christmas lights gleam through the windows as we prepare baked goodies and holiday candy for our dearest friends.
I so look forward to my first Christmas as a Kirk. We'll be spending it in The District, and it shall be magical.

The first of four parts...

Hear the sledges with the bells -
Silver bells!
What a world of merriment their melody foretells!
How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,
In the icy air of night!
While the stars that oversprinkle
All the heavens seem to twinkle
With a crystalline delight;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells
From the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
From the jingling and the tinkling of the bells.

Post Script - "L" is the Roman numeral for fifty. And fifty happens to be the atomic number of tin. Ironic that the tinny sounds of Christmas bells ring through my head fifty days prior to the peak of yuletide.

associate spotlight

i'd like to introduce a feature to the new blog. i call it associate spotlight. i shall introduce and spotlight on of my favorite associates.

today's spotlight... whitney hor.ito [new last name]

hor and i met through student council and a love to excel. we became close friends during our drives across town to our school board student advisory committee meetings. at the time, we were both student council fanatics and ap lushes. i teetered between social and anti-social. she swam in the deep end of social. she wobbled between country and pop. i stood securely in the field of independent. we opened each other's eyes to many beautiful things, came to enjoy many a concert with one another, and have been great friends since. i adore her. i admire her. parts of me could be replaced for parts of her and i'd be okay with it.

whitney is asian and stylish. she's a genius in the books, and savvy on the streets. she is destined for greatness and for that reason, she deserves your vote.

whitney is up for a bangin' position as a fashion blogger for sunglass hut. please vote for her with every email address you have. please help her win. do it for me, so that i can visit her swaggy apartment in manhattan. please.

watch her entry video and vote here.
it has been almost five month since i posted on this blog. those months have been wonderful.
but, since june 10 i've felt the same conflict that i voiced in my last post. here i stated that two blogs would be like two lives. i've changed my mind. you see, i hesitate to post things like my new favorite music video, my frivolous thoughts, the shoes that i'm eyeing, etc. on the kirzawa blog. shouldn't all posts have to do with the team? shouldn't everything i post on there be about us? (that sounds disgusting and cheesy. i don't care.) so, i've decided that this "jade ozawa" blog will get a facelift and a new name. it will be resurrected and will continue on in its original purpose-to bear my musings. things like this.

the kirzawa blog will probably upgrade to version 2.0 in the near future. and will remain as a record of our doings.

i feel justified in my decision by my belief that these two blogs cater to different audiences. my grandmother may not care much about my review of the sufjan concert, but would be interest to hear that cody and i are attending concerts and keeping ourselves culturally well-rounded. see?

so, welcome back jade's blog. you have been good to me since your advent september 2007. i needed you then, and i probably need you now.

10 June 2010

well, kids... sometimes i feel like my posts on the team kirzawa blog are a bit selfish. if they're on the team blog, shouldn't they be about the team? often they are about me, my silly thoughts, my music likes, etc. at times i feel that those types of posts should go onto this blog, but that means having two blogs-a married blog and an individual blog. that feels kind of like having two lives-a married life and an individual one. (weird how blogs can make you feel, you know? i feel so much closer to the people i blogstalk (old high school friends, random acquaintances, strangers across the country). the other day i even had a dream about babysitting someone i don't know's daughter. weird.)

so. moral of the story... it is probable that all blogging from here on out shall be at kirzawa.blogspot.com.
see you there!

05 May 2010

i seem to reach a point when studying after which my head turns off. this is happening with increasing frequency. i get antsy and a.d.d. (not to take any psychological disorder lightly, but you understand...) and i can think of a million things other than cultural differences in adultery and the "paradox of singlehood".

my test is in two hours. and then i have another that i haven't started to study for tomorrow morning.

and then i'm done with the semester.

next semester's schedule...
pilates, mat, circuit and reformer [m-h morning]
darkroom photography [m & w morning (half semester)]
digital photography [t & h evening]
survey of clinical psych [w night]
yoga [t night]
fitness for life [online]

weekly meetings with the professor heading the social psych project i'm working on + semi-weekly focus groups, data analysis, survey coding, etc.
three hours/week at juvenile justice services observation and assessment girls' unit
(hopefully) a few hours/week in a clinical psych lab (please professors, let me help you even though i am not a graduate student...)
bike rides, hikes, photography, picnics, delicious meals, my last season of slc new food wednesday, deep cleaning the apartment and selling/giving away/throwing away a lot of junk, hanging around the field house, twilight series concerts, a few roadtrips, visiting every temple in utah...

please let it be summer semester already.
and please let me score the 4.0 i'm shooting for.
and please, brain, give me a little more focus.

15 April 2010


-i'm wearing pre-mission jeans.
---actually, they are jeans from my junior year of high school. they are volcom. i like them. mostly i like that i'm fitting in them.
-i didn't go to class. i'm trying to get things done before i go to the doctor.
-i have driven cody to trax, showered, trimmed my finger and toe nails, made our bed, eaten leftover pesto pasta for breakfast.
-i have not finished my article summary and thought questions (due asap), finished my hand hygiene research paper (due tomorrow am), put on make-up or done my hair, finished putting away wedding gifts, organized my massive d.i./craigslist pile.
-i have been completely distracted by the internet, our purple camera and my chest of drawers.
-i will do all listed behind "i have not", make dinner for my great-grandparents, visit the girls at o & a (where i volunteer), finish baking the complicated lemon cookies i started a few days ago, watch the newest episode of modern family with my husband (fingers crossed).

follow up

i spent a week listening to only jonsi's new album when i was at work. (npr streamed it for free until it was released on the 6th.)
i should have told you all earlier to book it to the npr website and listen. it is spectacular.
cody says that it sounds just like sigur ros. i say that it's different. there is a different type of happiness (maybe because jonsi's boyfriend, alex, was heavily involved). i really like that jonsi is singing in english. i really like the combination of simplicities and complexities.

on monday we were at graywhale records. i saw go staring me in the face. i think i started bouncing as i asked cody, "can we get it?" i told him it was really important to me. *note: i don't really need to ask his permission to do what i want to, i just think it's funny to do, especially in front of people. it hasn't stopped playing in my car since.

my favorite song right now is "tornado".
Tornado .mp3
Found at bee mp3 search engine

my only criticism is that jonsi has glammed himself up. maybe he's on the brink of selling out completely. i hope not.
jonsi then...

jonsi with alex and their art...

they were on my flight from reykjavik to baltimore. radical.
jonsi now...

thank you spike

*check out the kid from degrassi. now he is a man.

13 April 2010


the kirzawas are blogging...


still under construction.
expect great things.

i haven't decided yet whether or not this is the death of this blog. it's too early to tell...

my current countdowns

fifteen minutes until this awful class ends.
a couple of days until we pick up the proofs and cds of our wedding photography.
9 days until cody finishes the semester.
12 days until our las vegas open house/seeing all of my sisters.
21 days until i finish taking accutane (forever).
23 days until i take my last final of the semester.
10 weeks until my five year high school reunion.
4 months until we pack up and move to tucson.
6 months until cody turns 26.
7 months until i turn 24.
8 months until we move again, to d.c. (hopefully).
8 months until i officially finish my undergraduate degree.
11 months + 1 week until our one year anniversary.

i am so glad that i no longer have to countdown weeks until i see cody.

12 April 2010

now i've wasted some time and will leave four minutes early to retrieve my love.

everyone should have the equivalent of a cody in his or her life. i'm convinced of this.

you don't know me

gareth, nichole and i used to have a contest as we walked to campus from the institute a few times a week. we counted the number of people we were able to say hi to. there was a point system involved:
head nod - 1 pt
wave + hello - 2 pts
high five - 3 pts
hug - 5 pts
whack on the bum - 30 pts
date arranged - 40 pts
kiss - 50 pts

as i walk around campus now, i realize that all of the people i used to know have gone and i don't care to meet the people that are here. having a long distance relationship turned me into a sort of hermit. it hasn't worn off.
yesterday in church cody looked at a young couple sitting across the aisle from us and said, "we can be friends with them." my immediate reply was, "no. we don't need more friends. we have married friends. we have mike and alyssa." then i realized what i had said and quickly turned to face him. "wait! what has happened to me? you are the antisocial one. i am the one eager to meet new people. we can't switch roles." cody smiled.

i need to become more friendly/outgoing/social/selfless before we move to arizona. i'm sure i'll shrivel up down there if i don't relearn how to make friends (and influence people).
i become very, very antsy when i'm waiting to see cody, whether it is waiting for him to come home, watching the clock to pick him up at trax, passing time before i go home or doing things around the house while he is still sleeping.

i'm at work. i'm bored. i can't focus. i'll leave here in 16 minutes and pick cody up ten minutes after that.

my limbs seem to be buzzing as i wait.
my psychology of love reading (on conflict, power and violence in relationships) is incredibly unappealing.
i've cleaned up my google reader.
i've listened to the music that interests me.
i've "worked".

now i wait.

31 March 2010

most importantly

is jónsi not one of the most talented men you know?

i regret that i haven't yet listened to more of his solo album. i regret even more that he is skipping over salt lake city, and i cannot find it in the budget to see his tour stop in denver.

i will not regret posting this song prior to posting about my fresh, new, green marriage.

16 March 2010

sunday morning cody and i watched the news as we ate our continental breakfasts (at a hotel in mesa). every story was horrible. natural disaster. corrupt utahn politicians. lesbians being kept from proms (one good thing- associated philanthropy). serial killers disguising themselves as photographers.

this song went through my head, so i listened to it in the shower.

Handsome Boy Modeling School - The World's Gone Mad
Video Codes at www.blastro.com

"the world's gone bad
we've lost the love we've had."
yesterday i saw my grandma and aunt. both of them told me that this is my week.

i feel selfish. i feel anxious. i feel anticipation. i feel very much in love. joyful. stressed. a little worried.

my grammy took the entire week off so that she can cater to my every whim. i tested it out successfully this afternoon. we ended up with four perfect ties.
shawna has planned her week according to decorating plans.
aunt robyn took the week off to help in any way possible.

i feel blessed. tired.

i want it all to finally happen. and then i want to fly to vancouver and relax.
and i want to be as generous as the people i know and love. i feel grateful and inadequate. undeserving.

09 March 2010


i'm very into these things...

miike snow. especially the song "burial".
32 cent cups of hot water. (i bring my own tea to school.)
the field house.
communication via email.
checking things off of lists.
pandora and grooveshark.
creating a semblance of a home in the basement.
searching for a swimsuit.
increasing my sell/donate/throw-away piles.
dreams of summer semester.

written 8 january 2010

i found this in my post list. i never finished it.

i'm sorry that my first post of 2010 was about male celebrities' wedding bands. kind of lame.

2009 was a spectacular year. it may have been the year in which i have grown up most.

i began the year in jiayi, serving with sister chen, sister hornberger and sister pickering. we watched and loved amazing investigators. luo qianrong was baptized. chen huirong, zhang wanting, chen xiaojie, and luo yiling set baptismal dates. in may i moved to the area where i started my mission, gaoxiong city. sister zhong and i made my last four weeks great. i am so grateful for the people i met in taiwan. my companions were patient and loving, my investigators were gracious and wonderful, president and sister hsu helped me to become a woman. i'm stuggling to write about and describe the experience. just know that i would not trade it for anything.

i boarded a plane to return to the us on june 15. life has been a whirlwind since. the first week home was tumultuous. the transition into real life was much different than i expected. i was looking for easing my way into a warm bath. things felt more like jumping into a summer swimming pool. maybe things were better that way. i felt an amazing outpouring of love from my family and friends. i realized how much i missed them all, and how i had forgotten to interact with those close to me. they helped me along. life turned and turned. out of town visitors. new computer/phone and reintroduction to texting and google chat. trip to philadelphia with dad. clubbing with janelle. expedited move to salt lake city. in my lap job at econova. mandi. clara. dave. wyatt. all leading up to late july when my world flipped around.

cody kirk was the handsome mtc teacher. his first letter came unexpectedly my second move call in taiwan. my companion at the time, sister juang, talked me into responding. letters came once a month from then on. when i returned home, i bravely facebooked him (he had been added earlier by my friend and mother). we corresponded a bit until he made it to utah july 26. a couple of days later we met up. then the next night, and the next. he invited me to tucson. i found a way to go. the two weeks in between his time in utah and my trip to arizona we communicated regularly. my three days in tucson were excellent, too good to end. so we decided to get married. i had been home from my mission two months.

from that point 2009 was different. no longer a semester of socializing and playing the field, but a semester of scheming and planning and dreaming. we managed to see each other about every three weeks, and got by on google chat and skype in the interim. he met my family labor day weekend and lake powell, and they loved him immediately. i met his family gradually throughout trips to az. over fall break in october i received my official engagement ring (i still stare at it sometimes). thanksgiving was spent with the kirks. december 17 he moved up here. we spent christmas break jumping from family to family. christmas with the ozawas. new year's eve in vegas. and here we are now: he in provo, i in salt lake city.

two thousand ten is our year. we're in the same state for the first time since our friendship began nineteen months ago. cody is currently attending byu as a visiting student at the j. reuben clark law school. i am finishing my psychology degree at the u of u and will graduate in august. we'll be married on march 20. pretty much everything else is unknown. typically i'd be freaking out a bit, but things are great and are going to be great.

i haven't finished my official resolution list. i've started some of my goals, but have a lot to do...
-get married.
-graduate from the u.
-exercise more.
-read the norton anthology of english literature "the great authors".
-get a 4.0 my last two semester.
-use coupons and cook.
-declutter. sell and donate what i don't use/need.
-write an email to a friend each day/be a better communicator.

resolution update:
-marriage still on.
-graduation in sight.
-i frequent the field house and see a visible difference. the last couple of weeks i haven't gone as much (i blame wedding planning). i have made cody vow to go with me at least 5 days a week.
-haven't kept up on my "page per day" goal.
-school is going well.
-the first meal i would deem truly successful was prepared the week before last. luckily, i've received awesome cookbooks as shower gifts.
-decluttering is super-duper.
-communication still lucky.

i think i'll make some april on resolutions.

15 February 2010

have you heard the song "rude boy"?

i mean, really? this stuff is on the radio?

remember when rihanna sang about umbrellas and companionship.

10 February 2010

my observational research project of the semester

Many have individual fears concerning public restrooms. They are often poorly kept, covered in used paper towls, sprinkled with unknown fluids, and permeated with an unpleasant aroma. But, what leaves these restrooms may be more frightening than what is found inside of them. How often does one notice his or her fellow water closet patron emerge from a stall and immediately exit the restroom? He or she has completely skipped past the short row of sinks eagerly waiting to be used. He or she has wholly forgotten (or chosen not) to scrub and sanitize his or her hands. The thought of what bacteria may join this person out the door can be enough to bring the toughest of stomachs to upset. Consider another scenario. A man comes out from a bathroom stall and turns directly to the door out. Out of the corner of his eye he sees another man standing in front of a sink at the far end of the restroom. As the man headed out of the restroom's head turns, his eyes meet those of the handwasher. His route is reevaluated, and he promptly finds himself lathering his hands under a stream of running water. Can the presence of another cause such a shift in a public restroom user? The purpose of this study is to examine exactly that. What type of effect does an observer have on a restroom patron's handwashing behavior?

Prepare to be grossed out, as we practice some innocent voyeurism in University of Utah restrooms.

09 February 2010

06 February 2010

this weekend is wonderful.
but lonely and long.

i am blessed and surrounded by spectacular people in my life.

02 February 2010

the scent that lingers...

sometimes (to often) when i smell smoke from cigarettes (at shows, on campus, walking down the street, etc.) i am flooded with memories of las vegas. it makes me homesick for a place i hate to refer to as home.

consequently, i have come to enjoy small (small!) servings of secondhand smoke.


31 January 2010

the last weekend of january

the last weekend of january 2006: larson ended our little relationship.
the last weekend of january 2007: kyle broke off our engagement.
the last weekend of january 2008: i found safe haven in the walls of the mtc.
the last weekend of january 2009: i was concerned about the investigators of jiayi.
the last weekend of january 2010: cody have me flowers to celebrate "not-gonna-break-up-with-you-sucka day".

he is too wonderful. far too wonderful for me.

"life is a test. you are like a cheat sheet.
if life were a math test, you would be my ti-10000.
if life were a geography test, you would be my geosafari.
if life were a spelling bee, you'd be my dictionary iphone app."
yesterday evening cody and i attempted to take our engagement photos.

david is our photographer and friend. he is spectacular. mandi is our moral support and best critic. we love her dearly.

the problem is/was that we are not able to be serious enough to take a real photograph together. we have a few snapshots that our family and friends have taken, but none on our cameras. we just can't do it.

the shoot was said to be a disappointment, but david has hope that at least a few of the thousand he shot will be worthy to be seen by others. i have hope too.

cody left early last night. so, naturally, i redbox-ed bright star. lovely.

25 January 2010

at work i have a new computer, with...

functioning speakers
windows 07/microsoft office that works
access to all company files
faster internet

life is good.

also, today i emailed from 1:50 to 3:20 straight. almost all having to do with wedding plans. this is the life.

21 January 2010

one of my favorite things

...about my friends is being able to sit next to them and say sarcastic remarks under my breath. they laugh or respond with something more silly or sardonic. we get each other.

my classes this semester are kind of hard to get through because i'm friendless. last semester i had mates to snicker with.
in psychology i have one. but he's kind of a child and shows up haphazardly.

better news: my dress arrived at the dress shop and cody's suit arrived at my house. on the same day!

14 January 2010


for you and yours...

13 January 2010

i miss. . .

waking up at 6:20am, walking the long way to the track at the elementary school, jogging for 20 minutes then walking home. listening to sister pickering's music as we stretched, lifted weights and did crunches. pedaling hard, smiling widely, talking to everyone. visiting members, serving investigators, teaching god's children. eating spring rolls, drinking peiya xiannai, explaining that i don't drink tea, being served fruit in every home. chatting as we biked home, checking the mail (knowing i'd receive a letter), praying, planning, having a routine. feeling good.

i missed all of this so much my heart ached this morning.

so instead i...
studied a talk by elder holland. killed my abdomen in a pilates work out, drove quickly to work and stayed for seven hours. checked seven things off of my to-do list and marked six items "in progress" (they are dependent upon responses from/action of others), sent five emails about wedding stuff, sent nine other emails with various purposes, printed everything i need for class this week and next. completed my first homework assignment of the semester, wrote a list of homework i have to do, edited a log of parts from 2007. listened to my coworkers vent. discovered my two new favorite songs: get up, get up, get up by barcelona and mouthful of diamonds by phantogram.

later i will...
fill my car with gas, deposit two checks. eat southern style food with friends, discuss engagement photos. file important documents, increase my pile of d.i./for sale items, fold clothes. read from my research methods text. talk to my mom.

nothing is as fulfilling as my mission was.
but life is good. god never ceases to pour blessings into my days.

03 January 2010

i absolutely love seeing male celebrities wearing wedding rings.
i couldn't care less about the female celebrities, but when i see men in the entertainment business wearing rings on their left hands i feel warm.

i realized this when i saw bobby mcferrin's wedding band.