28 February 2013

why mindfulness?

A few weeks ago, I started to brainstorm all of the areas of my life I'd like to improve. Here's a peak at my list...

I'd like to be more productive.
I'd like to be less stressed. 
I'd like to experience less tension in my neck and shoulders.
I'd like to procrastinate less.
I'd like to be more creative.
I'd like to be more engaged in my daily activities.
I'd like to be a better listener and communicator.
I'd like to be a better mom, student, friend, disciple, employee, wife, sister, daughter.
I'd like to be more content.
I'd like to feel my intellect expand.
I'd like to be more spiritual.
I'd like to feel less scattered.
I'd like to "flow".
I'd like to eat healthier.
I'd like to be more tidy and less cluttered.

Intimidating.

As this "need improvement" list bounced back and forth between the walls of my mind, I felt myself regressing. In those moments of dwelling on my "should do" list, I felt myself drifting farther from all of the things I wanted to be. Nearing my ideals appeared impossible. My brain flipped through images of my past self, primarily scenes I wish I could change. The burden of hopelessness seemed to push me down.

A brief moment of clarity replaced the hefty load in my mind. "Why are you thinking about yesterday? You have now. You always have now." With that I realized how often I live in the past. I think about aspects of it that I miss, e.g. how free and alive I felt in Tucson. I mull over what I'd do differently, e.g. how I wouldn't tell that lady that I had a prepubescent crush on her son. What about today? My today is filled with so much to be grateful for, so much to rejoice about, so much to find joy in. I miss out on that joy when my mind wanders elsewhere. I want to learn to savor my day-to-day life, and to live it fully.

So, this year I'm working on living in the now. I firmly believe that in working to be more mindful, I'll find myself moving toward my ideals in other areas. I think Mindful Jade will be a more spiritual Jade, a more creative Jade, a more relaxed Jade, and so on. I guess we'll see.

And so, I embark.

1 comment:

alyssa nelson said...

I love this post for so many reasons.
The first and foremost of which tells why we are friends.
I DID THE SAME THING A WEEK AGO.
I actually sat down and wrote out aspects of my life I want to change, make better, eliminate, etc.
I fully encourage this restoration of life!