pure and simple

2011-02-08T08:48:00.001-07:00

i have a lot of catching up to do, but this is more important. these three verses made my scripture study wonderful...

DEUTERONOMY 4:29-31

when i read these verses the first time, the voice in my head somehow became that of a caring, loving father (imagine the voice of president monson when he gets to the touching part of a story). it was as if heavenly father was speaking to me sweetly in my mind.

29. But if from thence1 thou shalt seek the Lord thy God, thou shalt find him, if thou seek him with all thy heart an with all thy soul.

30. When thou art in tribulation and all these things2 are come upon thee, even in the latter days, if thou turn3 to the Lord thy God, and shalt be obedient unto his voice;

31. (For the Lord thy God is a merciful God4;) he will not forsake thee5, neither destroy thee, nor forget the covenant6 of thy fathers with he sware unto them.

1. we can change! we can start today. we can decide to start seeking God now and he will be there despite anything that happened in the past.

2. "all these things"=trials, stress, feelings of being overwhelmed, failures, lists of things to do

3. change your course so it leads to His kingdom. imagery of a child turning into her father's chest for comfort.

4. He loves you! He wants to see you succeed. He wants you to return to him. pleasant reminder that He is on your side!

5. He will never ignore you or abandon you.

6. the covenants you have made with Him (baptism, temple), the blessing promised through priesthood blessings, the blessings promised through the scriptures

in honor of valentine's day, and following my relief society president's example, i studied (after reading from the book of mormon) the word "heart" in the scriptures. this is the first scripture i found. i cannot wait to search again tomorrow morning.

2011-01-12T10:34:00.002-07:00

a few nights a week, the universe grants me a few moments to feel like a little girl.

overall, i haven't felt like a little girl since i was two. some days i crave the handful of seconds of childhood i savor on certain eves.

i am a big fan of making beds in the morning. it isn't something easy for me to do. i am prone to hop out of bed, get dressed, and leave the room (and its disheveled mess) abandoned. but, i can note a difference in the days that begin with a good bed-making. it is as if a tone of order is set for the hours that lay ahead. i cannot find the references at this time, but i have read, on more than one occasion and in more than one source, that bed-making leads to less stress and greater happiness.

but, can bed-making happiness outweigh my piece of happiness this post centers upon?

on days that the bed isn't made and cody and i return to clumped up, twisted sheets, blankets and comforters, i make sure to nestle in the center of the bed before my husband gets the chance. he, then, is left with the task of straightening everything. cody, bless him, chooses to do this by gripping the bottom side of a given blanket with his hands spread beyond shoulder width. he flicks his wrists, sends the blanket into the air, and lets it fall slowly.

as he prepares for the process, i sprawl myself out in the dead-center, i find a place for my head in the mass of pillows against the wall, i reach toward the edges of the mattress and tilt my chin up slightly. a breeze of nostalgia hits my skin split-seconds before the blankets descend gracefully onto my face and body.

cody smiles and walks to his side of the bed.

i sit up and thank him.

we pray together.

at this point, i'm an adult again, so i pray for adult things, and for childlike joy and wonder in the simplicity and beauty of life.

2011-01-04T08:22:00.003-07:00

dear electric blanket,

you are my second best friend in arlington.

i can tell we're going to go through a lot together.

yours,

jade

dear memory foam,

thank the person who invented you for me, would you?

best,

mrs. kirk

dear stomach,

why do you hate me today?

get well soon.

with love,

your keeper

dear landlady,

you were kind enough to furnish the place

but did not find it necessary to clean it before we moved in? really?

your new tenant(s)

cheeky

2011-01-01T11:09:00.002-07:00

"there'll be no distance that could hold us back"

ring out wild bells

2011-01-01T10:53:00.001-07:00

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light;
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more,
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care the sin,
The faithless coldness of the times;
Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes,
But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease,
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heart, the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darkness of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be.

Happy New Year!

2010-12-31T09:54:00.004-07:00

you know those days that are full of joy and rosiness?

that was my tuesday.

nothing but love and harmony flowing between my husband and me.

it was glorious.

i hope that next year is filled with like days.

雙喜

debriefing

2010-12-27T20:09:00.004-07:00

long overdue.

what did i learn during the 30 days of 80's tunes?

80's alternative is much better than the crap we have on the radio these days.
the aesthetic standards of our time are much more rigid than those of the past. we now have really good looking entertainers with zero talent. in the 80's pop-stars didn't need to fit the molds we have today.
listening to music from my childhood/past is comforting and makes me happy.
i am grateful for my musically hip parents.

tunes: day 30

2010-12-11T23:26:00.004-07:00

the final selection. one of my all-time favorites. possibly my favorite song ever, and this blog's namesake.

i cannot say enough good things about this song. i feel like it has inspired my music tastes.

great lines to listen for:
"perhaps someone you know could sparkle and shine"
"and i love you"
"shooting stars around your heart"
"don't sell the dreams you should be keeping"
"where feelings not reasons can make you decide"
"as leaves fall down, splash autumn on gardens"
"look at me with starry eyes, push me up to starry skies"
"if love's the truth then look no lies
and let me swim around your eyes
i've found a place i'll never leave
shut my mouth and just believe
love is the truth i realize
not a stream of pretty lies
to use us up and waste our time"

tunes: day 29

2010-12-10T10:06:00.001-07:00

i'd be remiss to not post a depeche mode song.
i could post many. i love them and have for a long time, but i choose this song because i remember stealing my parents' cd to listen to it over and over. as i listened i'd picture the hands from labyrinth.

Depeche Mode - Everything Counts - Click here for more amazing videos

tunes: day 28

2010-12-09T21:30:00.000-07:00

this song is going through my head at this very moment.

a lot of music i loved in my childhood was sung by flamboyant men, or loved by flamboyant men (abc, erasure, pet shop boys, etc.). i went through a phase in elementary school in which i only listened to erasure. i choreographed a dance to each song in their album wild!. i had a show planned, complete with costume changes, hair and make-up, and an intimate audience of my family, grandparents and closest friends. i made sure that each piece would fit in our living room. the show, unfortunately, never happened.

check out andy bell's hot little dance moves...

tunes: day 27

2010-12-08T20:23:00.002-07:00

one of the first music videos i remember seeing. and one of the first 80's songs i remember liking separate from my parents.

tunes: day 26

2010-12-07T17:34:00.002-07:00

this is my favorite tears for fears song.
my mom has pictures of herself hanging out with the band. i thought it was so cool and told myself that i would grow up to be a girl that hung out with bands. in elementary school, i aspired to be a groupie.

Tears for Fears Sowing the Seeds of Love
Uploaded by Celtiemama. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

janelle once mentioned to me that this song has a sound reminiscent of the beatles. i didn't realize it was such a controversy until searching for this video. from my youtube research, quite a few people with too much time on their hands are very upset with this form of "plagiarism".

tunes: day 25

2010-12-06T17:33:00.001-07:00

packing up my many cameras reminded me of this song.

i used to think it was so silly. i still do...

tunes: day 24

2010-12-05T16:58:00.002-07:00

the last new songs i've posted i don't have any specific memory of. maybe my brain is just frazzled.

today's song...

where is pete burns today? here.

tunes: day 23

2010-12-04T18:04:00.002-07:00

we had some interesting cars when we first moved to vegas. the favorite was a huge lincoln town car, lovingly nicknamed "the beast". these days only had tape players, so we'd listen to my parents old tapes as we drove around. my mom found a tape that my dad made for her when they were dating. this was one of my favorite songs on it...

found

2010-12-03T22:16:00.002-07:00

...as i pack boxes and cody packs brains.

a haiku written three days into our marriage. on a bus from the ferry to victoria's city center.

we are safe to say-
pleasure and joy have become
synonymous now.

during our first post-mission meeting, cody and i discussed man's search for happiness and confusion between joy and pleasure.

tunes: 22

2010-12-03T20:50:00.001-07:00

cody studies all day every day lately. total goody two shoes.

i'm really loving adam ant's style. i'd like to borrow his jacket.

tunes: 21

2010-12-02T23:14:00.001-07:00

poll: do you think i can convince cody to let me do his make up?

tunes: 19, 20

2010-12-01T23:09:00.003-07:00

well guys, i'm slipping. the reality of moving and the end of the semester is setting in and i'm engulfed by items on my to-do list.
i forgot to write yesterday, as i spent all day on a final paper.

this first video is not an song from the 80's, but one of my favorite songs by a band made popular in the 80's. i grew up with lots of new order in my house. i used to get them mixed up with depeche mode. not any more. i choose this song for november 30 because the paper i wrote that day mentioned feeling delicate.

New Order - Crystal
Uploaded by scootaway. - See the latest featured music videos.
i really love the video.

for today's song... "she drives me crazy" by fine young cannibals. a. their band name is awesome. b. cody is buried in law school books and outlines and stress. i'm trying my hardest not to drive him crazy. i spent this evening sequestered in our bedroom.

tunes: day 18

2010-11-29T20:55:00.002-07:00

i heard the no doubt cover of this song on the radio this evening. i like the talk talk version much more.

my most vivid memory of this song took place toward the end of my elementary school career. i had overheard my mom talking about the music video. some people believed that the wildlife footage was a commentary on animal cruelty. i convinced myself that that was the message of the song. i remember sitting on my bathroom floor, listening to my dad's old talk talk tape, explaining to lauren what (i thought) the song meant, with tears streaming down my cheeks. (i was a high strung little kid. i cried often about the state of the world.)

Talk Talk - It's My Life (UK Version)
Uploaded by EMI_Music. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

french uproar

2010-11-29T12:13:00.002-07:00

today i gave an extra credit presentation on the french band yelle.

the presentation was short and went kind of like this: yelle is composed of three members: yelle, grandmarnier and tepr. yelle (the person)'s real name is julie budet. the nickname comes from the acronym you enjoy life put into feminized form (yel+le). she was born january 17, 1983 in brittany, france. yelle writes the lyrics. the others help write music and produce.

then, i explained why i chose to share the song "ce jeu". when i came home from taiwan last summer, i wanted to fill my life with the music i had missed out on. dave helped me and shared yelle's album pop up. "ce jeu" became my summer anthem. i loved how peppy and fun it sounded.

then, i shared that the song is about two immature lovers that manipulate each other and play hard to get. i also wrote some cognates for the class to listen for on the board.

lastly, i showed the video below.

afterwards, we discussed. the older women in the class were extremely vocal. one insisted, to the point of yelling, that yelle is transgender. she said that no movements were feminine and no body parts shown seemed to be female. another said that the video was incredibly offensive. a handful of people went on and on about this. a few younger students looked at me and mouthed that they liked the song.
i liked the video until today. now i'm just confused.
also, not until it was projected onto a big screen in front of the class did i notice yelle slipping a nip. does she really or is it just me?

tunes: day 17

2010-11-28T17:36:00.002-07:00

another of janelle's favorites...
alison moyet has an amazing voice. now that thanksgiving is over, we can start listening to her rendition of the coventry carol.

in sixth grade i came up with a very elaborate science fair project based on students' ability to perform mathematic and reading comprehension tasks while distracted (or helped) by music. i wrote quizzes and proctored my peers while playing classical music, pop music, country music and "i before e except after c" by yaz. this is the point where my classmates started to wonder about my ears.

"only you" can be agreed upon as one of yazoo's most beautiful songs.

tunes: day 16

2010-11-27T01:01:00.002-07:00

after the last few days being posted very late, i'll post today's very early.
right now it is in between yesterday and today. i'm not sure which it is. my home is full of fabulous guests. my insomnia has driven me to the only unoccupied space-the bathtub.

this late/early hour and my setting have come together, influencing me to post some oingo boingo. boingo frontman, danny elfman, is the genius behind a lot of tim burton's film's soundtracks. i especially love him as the voice of jack on the nightmare before christmas.

like many of the songs i've posted, "dead man's party" always left little jade with strange imagery.

i love how unthreatening danny elfman looks. i feel like he has to work pretty hard to be scary.

ps what i'm actually listening to is something beautiful by explosions in the sky.

tunes: day 13, 14, 15

2010-11-26T11:46:00.002-07:00

did i really skip 2 days?
the kitchen had taken over my mind and time. soup, salad, side dishes, settings, savories, sweets...

now, thanksgiving is over. but here is a song from the 90's.

and now, the songs that should have been posted days ago.

tunes: day 13
in honor of keith.
i don't know anyone else that listens to the the (except cody, now that he has started listening to my dad's itunes collection). this song reminds me of sitting in the backseat while my dad drove, and his singing voice.

tunes: day 14
in honor of janelle.
this is one of her favorite songs of all time. it reminds me of dancing around the house with her. she would teach us how to dance like she did in the 80's. i especially loved learning how to skank. this also reminds me of her singing voice.

i wish i was brave enough to rock a bic-ed head. janelle was brave enough to rock green hair and a mohawk.

tunes: day 15
in honor of cody.
where is the tenderness? right here, in our house. my dear cody has been so wonderful this week. i'm certain that without him i would have ended up running around like a mad woman down the streets of tucson. thank you, love.

General Public - Tenderness
Uploaded by EMI_Music. - See the latest featured music videos.

tunes: day 12

2010-11-23T10:38:00.003-07:00

unfortunately, i was awoken very early this morning by a phone call from one of my students.
fortunately, i'm in a much better mood today than i was last night.
i've already gotten quite a bit done: read blogs, wrote a blog, mopped the entire first floor, cut, seeded and roasted butternut squash for thanksgiving soup, watched a special on outsourcing employment.
and cody and josh are almost done with the car.

being that today is off to a really great start. i'll play happy music that i love. (i'm sorry about day 10's awful songs.)

ps i'm sorry, this was the best quality i could find.
pps doesn't it make you feel like dancing?

tunes: day 11

2010-11-23T00:44:00.003-07:00

i'm sorry. this one is a little late. today had kind of awful parts, and a not so great ending. cody is staying at his brother's house tonight (not because he's upset with me, but because our car in out of commission and sitting in their sideyard waiting to be worked on early in the morning). i cannot sleep, so i'm watching jimmy fallon on hulu. and that is when i realized i didn't post anything today/yesterday/monday.

because the mood in my bedroom is so glum. i'm posting some 80's songs that i don't like. they happen to do with cars in some way or another.

i think this song is boring. always have.

i hate the cars. i think ric ocasek is gross. but, i have one good memory of the band... janelle was in pep club as a high schooler. she used to sometimes show us her dances and cheers. one of them was to "shake it up". i will never forget her shoulder shaking lean forward to that song.

right now i hate cars. i look forward to walking everywhere in d.c.

tunes: day 10

2010-11-21T17:38:00.001-07:00

my favorite song by flock of seagulls.
and one of the best love songs of all time.

happy sabbath!

*team kirzawa readers: expect a lot of pictures in the next few days. i'm catching up.

tunes: day 9

2010-11-20T14:49:00.002-07:00

the other day one of my students and i had a great, relatively deep conversation about being a mexican in the u.s. he mentioned food city, and i laughed about the only time i have ever been to the store. i was the only white girl in the place, the speaker above my head played a hispanic radio station and every store announcement was made in español. fernando laughed and the conversation moved to mexican food. i told him that mole was my favorite. he cringed (he doesn't like it much) but raved about his mom's mole. she heard and now insists on a meal of mole as a going away gift. i can't wait.

some of the songs i liked as a little kid seemed to amuse my parents' friends. this is one of them. i remember singing it aloud and making the adults around me laugh. (another distinct memory of this type of happening was outside of the coffee garden on 9th and 9th in salt lake. my auntie shawna told her friends that i love pearl jam. they asked me to sing something. i broke out into song, sing/yelling jeremy and daughter. they laughed and later gave her some pearl jam posters to give me.)
i also remember walking through lax on our way to hawaii when i was 2 or 3. we had just stopped at a gas station where they were playing wall of voodoo. i skipped (i learned to walk early) through the airport, avoiding cracks and tiles representing lava, singing "mexican radio" to myself.

tunes: day 8

2010-11-19T21:29:00.003-07:00

on a day filled with frustrations, i choose this song.

no specific memories, just absolute love for "don't dream it's over".

ps through watching this video i realized that they are australian! see the vegemite on toast? also, they have a new album out.

tunes: day 7

2010-11-18T13:42:00.002-07:00

i hear that keith was quite preppy back in the day. once, while rummaging through my parents' cd collection, i came across a haircut 100 album. i asked my mom if they were good and she told me that my dad used to dress like the band. stylish.

i also love their hit "boy meets girls". especially his little high pitched sound.

tunes: day 6

2010-11-17T14:33:00.002-07:00

both of my parents love love love the cure. for years their best of album, "galore", was one of the few cds in the car.

i have a distinct memory of getting gas with my dad when i was about 4. this song was playing as he refilled the tank. the image of spider man in a huge web, rolling me up in his silk like the spiders i had watched on the discovery channel went through my head. i was terrified, until keith got back in the car and the song changed.

now that i'm older, i still love the cure and many of their songs. but, mostly, i just wish i could pull off red lipstick like robert smith. (i heard him say in an interview a few years ago that he continues to wear make-up because his wife loves it. maybe if cody loved me with crimson lips then they'd look good on me.)

ps yes, the cure is covered all the time. yes, many of those covers are rubbish. but, the get-up kids do a great "close to me".

tunes: day 5

2010-11-16T21:29:00.002-07:00

i'll probably post two songs that used to make me cry.
this is the first.

i remember thinking about major tom never returning to his family. i'd breakdown hardcore as an elementary school student at the line "give my wife my love".

Peter Schilling - Major Tom
Uploaded by Tunashaker. - Explore more music videos.

tunes: day 4

2010-11-15T16:57:00.002-07:00

i love hearing different reactions to and memories of these songs i'm posting. thank you, commenters.

my most vivid memory of these song took place in the 90's, after we moved to vegas. i constantly listened to my parents' tapes and cds (mingled with my no doubt and chumbawumba albums). my parents' bathroom was huge in my eyes, and showering in there was so much cooler than using the one i shared with my sisters. in their bathroom they had a stereo with a 6-cd changer. one of the cds in there was "doot-doot" by freur. i would listen to this song on repeat as i showered and took more time than necessary drying, lotioning, etc.
most of the time when i listened ferngully-type scenes went through my head. i assumed that this had something to do with the album artwork until i looked up the album cover today. nope. i have no idea where the jungle scenes in my mind came from. listen to the song with your eyes closed. what do you see?

tunes: day 3

2010-11-14T16:44:00.002-07:00

today is sunday, so...

this song was released before my birth, but was played often in my home. u2's albums war and joshua tree were staples.
to this day, "sunday bloody sunday" is my favorite u2 hit.

tunes: day 2

2010-11-13T17:35:00.003-07:00

"dream kitchen" by frazier chorus is one of my all-time favorite songs.
i remember sitting, listening with my dad (it was his album), trying to picture what was being sung in the song. i was very confused, as a preschooler. who would want to dry their hair in the kitchen?
now, i just adore the song. i think it's beautiful in its own right. the 80's were full of pure and wonderful mens' voices.

a month of bitchin' tunes

2010-11-12T12:13:00.001-07:00

hope you guys are getting totally amped...
over on the team blog a while ago, i made mention of posting my favorite 80's music.
what better day to start than the one after we celebrated my birth?
so, here you are... a huge thanks to keith and janelle for setting me up with such sweet sounds.
expect little anecdotes of my memories with the songs, or why i love them, or what i think of them now.

shall we begin?

for the first song i choose "wild thing" by tone loc.

my parents used to listen to this song on the radio without thinking about their first-born paying any attention. then, one day my grammy was babysitting me and i said to her, "i need fifty dollars to make you holler."
from that point forward, they knew i was listening.

2010-11-09T09:30:00.004-07:00

ineffable love
comparable to nothing
what you do to me

bless my dear husband.

is this love?
yes, it's love?
now it's love.
must be love.
this is love.
yes, it's love.
now it's tough,
must be love.
and it's love.
yes, it's love.
this is love.
must be love.
it is love.
yes, it's hard.
no it's not.
must be love.
this is hard.
no it's not.
must be love.
must be love.
it is love.
no, there's no doubt.

L

2010-11-04T22:02:00.003-06:00

50 days to Christmas!
I suddenly crave the holiday after coming across the poem "The Bells" by Edgar Allan Poe.
My senses are atingle with phantom stimuli filling the living room. The scent of wassail is wafting from the kitchen. Sufjan's Christmas album pleasures my ears. I can imagien the brisk gust of wind outside as it would nip at my nose and fingers. Christmas lights gleam through the windows as we prepare baked goodies and holiday candy for our dearest friends.
I so look forward to my first Christmas as a Kirk. We'll be spending it in The District, and it shall be magical.

The first of four parts...

I
Hear the sledges with the bells -
Silver bells!
What a world of merriment their melody foretells!
How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,
In the icy air of night!
While the stars that oversprinkle
All the heavens seem to twinkle
With a crystalline delight;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells
From the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells -
From the jingling and the tinkling of the bells.

Post Script - "L" is the Roman numeral for fifty. And fifty happens to be the atomic number of tin. Ironic that the tinny sounds of Christmas bells ring through my head fifty days prior to the peak of yuletide.

associate spotlight

2010-11-04T14:04:00.002-06:00

i'd like to introduce a feature to the new blog. i call it associate spotlight. i shall introduce and spotlight on of my favorite associates.

today's spotlight... whitney hor.ito [new last name]

hor and i met through student council and a love to excel. we became close friends during our drives across town to our school board student advisory committee meetings. at the time, we were both student council fanatics and ap lushes. i teetered between social and anti-social. she swam in the deep end of social. she wobbled between country and pop. i stood securely in the field of independent. we opened each other's eyes to many beautiful things, came to enjoy many a concert with one another, and have been great friends since. i adore her. i admire her. parts of me could be replaced for parts of her and i'd be okay with it.

whitney is asian and stylish. she's a genius in the books, and savvy on the streets. she is destined for greatness and for that reason, she deserves your vote.

whitney is up for a bangin' position as a fashion blogger for sunglass hut. please vote for her with every email address you have. please help her win. do it for me, so that i can visit her swaggy apartment in manhattan. please.

watch her entry video and vote here.

2010-11-04T13:49:00.002-06:00

it has been almost five month since i posted on this blog. those months have been wonderful.
but, since june 10 i've felt the same conflict that i voiced in my last post. here i stated that two blogs would be like two lives. i've changed my mind. you see, i hesitate to post things like my new favorite music video, my frivolous thoughts, the shoes that i'm eyeing, etc. on the kirzawa blog. shouldn't all posts have to do with the team? shouldn't everything i post on there be about us? (that sounds disgusting and cheesy. i don't care.) so, i've decided that this "jade ozawa" blog will get a facelift and a new name. it will be resurrected and will continue on in its original purpose-to bear my musings. things like this.

the kirzawa blog will probably upgrade to version 2.0 in the near future. and will remain as a record of our doings.

i feel justified in my decision by my belief that these two blogs cater to different audiences. my grandmother may not care much about my review of the sufjan concert, but would be interest to hear that cody and i are attending concerts and keeping ourselves culturally well-rounded. see?

so, welcome back jade's blog. you have been good to me since your advent september 2007. i needed you then, and i probably need you now.

2010-06-10T22:28:00.002-06:00

well, kids... sometimes i feel like my posts on the team kirzawa blog are a bit selfish. if they're on the team blog, shouldn't they be about the team? often they are about me, my silly thoughts, my music likes, etc. at times i feel that those types of posts should go onto this blog, but that means having two blogs-a married blog and an individual blog. that feels kind of like having two lives-a married life and an individual one. (weird how blogs can make you feel, you know? i feel so much closer to the people i blogstalk (old high school friends, random acquaintances, strangers across the country). the other day i even had a dream about babysitting someone i don't know's daughter. weird.)

so. moral of the story... it is probable that all blogging from here on out shall be at kirzawa.blogspot.com.
see you there!

2010-05-05T13:18:00.003-06:00

i seem to reach a point when studying after which my head turns off. this is happening with increasing frequency. i get antsy and a.d.d. (not to take any psychological disorder lightly, but you understand...) and i can think of a million things other than cultural differences in adultery and the "paradox of singlehood".

my test is in two hours. and then i have another that i haven't started to study for tomorrow morning.

and then i'm done with the semester.

next semester's schedule...
pilates, mat, circuit and reformer [m-h morning]
darkroom photography [m & w morning (half semester)]
digital photography [t & h evening]
survey of clinical psych [w night]
yoga [t night]
fitness for life [online]

plus...
weekly meetings with the professor heading the social psych project i'm working on + semi-weekly focus groups, data analysis, survey coding, etc.
three hours/week at juvenile justice services observation and assessment girls' unit
(hopefully) a few hours/week in a clinical psych lab (please professors, let me help you even though i am not a graduate student...)
bike rides, hikes, photography, picnics, delicious meals, my last season of slc new food wednesday, deep cleaning the apartment and selling/giving away/throwing away a lot of junk, hanging around the field house, twilight series concerts, a few roadtrips, visiting every temple in utah...

please let it be summer semester already.
and please let me score the 4.0 i'm shooting for.
and please, brain, give me a little more focus.

today

2010-04-15T09:47:00.004-06:00

-i'm wearing pre-mission jeans.
---actually, they are jeans from my junior year of high school. they are volcom. i like them. mostly i like that i'm fitting in them.
-i didn't go to class. i'm trying to get things done before i go to the doctor.
-i have driven cody to trax, showered, trimmed my finger and toe nails, made our bed, eaten leftover pesto pasta for breakfast.
-i have not finished my article summary and thought questions (due asap), finished my hand hygiene research paper (due tomorrow am), put on make-up or done my hair, finished putting away wedding gifts, organized my massive d.i./craigslist pile.
-i have been completely distracted by the internet, our purple camera and my chest of drawers.
-i will do all listed behind "i have not", make dinner for my great-grandparents, visit the girls at o & a (where i volunteer), finish baking the complicated lemon cookies i started a few days ago, watch the newest episode of modern family with my husband (fingers crossed).

follow up

2010-04-15T09:28:00.005-06:00

i spent a week listening to only jonsi's new album when i was at work. (npr streamed it for free until it was released on the 6th.)
i should have told you all earlier to book it to the npr website and listen. it is spectacular.
cody says that it sounds just like sigur ros. i say that it's different. there is a different type of happiness (maybe because jonsi's boyfriend, alex, was heavily involved). i really like that jonsi is singing in english. i really like the combination of simplicities and complexities.

on monday we were at graywhale records. i saw go staring me in the face. i think i started bouncing as i asked cody, "can we get it?" i told him it was really important to me. *note: i don't really need to ask his permission to do what i want to, i just think it's funny to do, especially in front of people. it hasn't stopped playing in my car since.

my favorite song right now is "tornado".

	Tornado .mp3

	Found at bee mp3 search engine

my only criticism is that jonsi has glammed himself up. maybe he's on the brink of selling out completely. i hope not.
jonsi then...

jonsi with alex and their art...

they were on my flight from reykjavik to baltimore. radical.
jonsi now...

thank you spike

2010-04-15T07:28:00.000-06:00

*check out the kid from degrassi. now he is a man.

unveiling

2010-04-13T12:57:00.001-06:00

the kirzawas are blogging...

kirzawa.blogspot.com

still under construction.
expect great things.

i haven't decided yet whether or not this is the death of this blog. it's too early to tell...

my current countdowns

2010-04-13T09:59:00.004-06:00

fifteen minutes until this awful class ends.
a couple of days until we pick up the proofs and cds of our wedding photography.
9 days until cody finishes the semester.
12 days until our las vegas open house/seeing all of my sisters.
21 days until i finish taking accutane (forever).
23 days until i take my last final of the semester.
10 weeks until my five year high school reunion.
4 months until we pack up and move to tucson.
6 months until cody turns 26.
7 months until i turn 24.
8 months until we move again, to d.c. (hopefully).
8 months until i officially finish my undergraduate degree.
11 months + 1 week until our one year anniversary.

i am so glad that i no longer have to countdown weeks until i see cody.

2010-04-12T16:35:00.001-06:00

now i've wasted some time and will leave four minutes early to retrieve my love.

everyone should have the equivalent of a cody in his or her life. i'm convinced of this.

you don't know me

2010-04-12T16:35:00.000-06:00

gareth, nichole and i used to have a contest as we walked to campus from the institute a few times a week. we counted the number of people we were able to say hi to. there was a point system involved:
head nod - 1 pt
wave + hello - 2 pts
high five - 3 pts
hug - 5 pts
whack on the bum - 30 pts
date arranged - 40 pts
kiss - 50 pts

as i walk around campus now, i realize that all of the people i used to know have gone and i don't care to meet the people that are here. having a long distance relationship turned me into a sort of hermit. it hasn't worn off.
yesterday in church cody looked at a young couple sitting across the aisle from us and said, "we can be friends with them." my immediate reply was, "no. we don't need more friends. we have married friends. we have mike and alyssa." then i realized what i had said and quickly turned to face him. "wait! what has happened to me? you are the antisocial one. i am the one eager to meet new people. we can't switch roles." cody smiled.

i need to become more friendly/outgoing/social/selfless before we move to arizona. i'm sure i'll shrivel up down there if i don't relearn how to make friends (and influence people).

2010-04-12T16:20:00.002-06:00

i become very, very antsy when i'm waiting to see cody, whether it is waiting for him to come home, watching the clock to pick him up at trax, passing time before i go home or doing things around the house while he is still sleeping.

i'm at work. i'm bored. i can't focus. i'll leave here in 16 minutes and pick cody up ten minutes after that.

my limbs seem to be buzzing as i wait.
my psychology of love reading (on conflict, power and violence in relationships) is incredibly unappealing.
i've cleaned up my google reader.
i've listened to the music that interests me.
i've "worked".

now i wait.

most importantly

2010-03-31T14:54:00.003-06:00

is jónsi not one of the most talented men you know?

i regret that i haven't yet listened to more of his solo album. i regret even more that he is skipping over salt lake city, and i cannot find it in the budget to see his tour stop in denver.

i will not regret posting this song prior to posting about my fresh, new, green marriage.

2010-03-16T17:00:00.001-06:00

sunday morning cody and i watched the news as we ate our continental breakfasts (at a hotel in mesa). every story was horrible. natural disaster. corrupt utahn politicians. lesbians being kept from proms (one good thing- associated philanthropy). serial killers disguising themselves as photographers.

this song went through my head, so i listened to it in the shower.

Handsome Boy Modeling School - The World's Gone Mad
Video Codes at www.blastro.com

"the world's gone bad
we've lost the love we've had."

2010-03-16T02:05:00.002-06:00

yesterday i saw my grandma and aunt. both of them told me that this is my week.

i feel selfish. i feel anxious. i feel anticipation. i feel very much in love. joyful. stressed. a little worried.

my grammy took the entire week off so that she can cater to my every whim. i tested it out successfully this afternoon. we ended up with four perfect ties.
shawna has planned her week according to decorating plans.
aunt robyn took the week off to help in any way possible.

i feel blessed. tired.

i want it all to finally happen. and then i want to fly to vancouver and relax.
and i want to be as generous as the people i know and love. i feel grateful and inadequate. undeserving.

lately

2010-03-09T18:18:00.000-07:00

i'm very into these things...

miike snow. especially the song "burial".
shrimp.
32 cent cups of hot water. (i bring my own tea to school.)
the field house.
communication via email.
checking things off of lists.
pandora and grooveshark.
cody.
creating a semblance of a home in the basement.
searching for a swimsuit.
increasing my sell/donate/throw-away piles.
dreams of summer semester.
documentaries.
cookbooks.

written 8 january 2010

2010-03-09T18:12:00.002-07:00

i found this in my post list. i never finished it.

i'm sorry that my first post of 2010 was about male celebrities' wedding bands. kind of lame.

2009 was a spectacular year. it may have been the year in which i have grown up most.

i began the year in jiayi, serving with sister chen, sister hornberger and sister pickering. we watched and loved amazing investigators. luo qianrong was baptized. chen huirong, zhang wanting, chen xiaojie, and luo yiling set baptismal dates. in may i moved to the area where i started my mission, gaoxiong city. sister zhong and i made my last four weeks great. i am so grateful for the people i met in taiwan. my companions were patient and loving, my investigators were gracious and wonderful, president and sister hsu helped me to become a woman. i'm stuggling to write about and describe the experience. just know that i would not trade it for anything.

i boarded a plane to return to the us on june 15. life has been a whirlwind since. the first week home was tumultuous. the transition into real life was much different than i expected. i was looking for easing my way into a warm bath. things felt more like jumping into a summer swimming pool. maybe things were better that way. i felt an amazing outpouring of love from my family and friends. i realized how much i missed them all, and how i had forgotten to interact with those close to me. they helped me along. life turned and turned. out of town visitors. new computer/phone and reintroduction to texting and google chat. trip to philadelphia with dad. clubbing with janelle. expedited move to salt lake city. in my lap job at econova. mandi. clara. dave. wyatt. all leading up to late july when my world flipped around.

cody kirk was the handsome mtc teacher. his first letter came unexpectedly my second move call in taiwan. my companion at the time, sister juang, talked me into responding. letters came once a month from then on. when i returned home, i bravely facebooked him (he had been added earlier by my friend and mother). we corresponded a bit until he made it to utah july 26. a couple of days later we met up. then the next night, and the next. he invited me to tucson. i found a way to go. the two weeks in between his time in utah and my trip to arizona we communicated regularly. my three days in tucson were excellent, too good to end. so we decided to get married. i had been home from my mission two months.

from that point 2009 was different. no longer a semester of socializing and playing the field, but a semester of scheming and planning and dreaming. we managed to see each other about every three weeks, and got by on google chat and skype in the interim. he met my family labor day weekend and lake powell, and they loved him immediately. i met his family gradually throughout trips to az. over fall break in october i received my official engagement ring (i still stare at it sometimes). thanksgiving was spent with the kirks. december 17 he moved up here. we spent christmas break jumping from family to family. christmas with the ozawas. new year's eve in vegas. and here we are now: he in provo, i in salt lake city.

two thousand ten is our year. we're in the same state for the first time since our friendship began nineteen months ago. cody is currently attending byu as a visiting student at the j. reuben clark law school. i am finishing my psychology degree at the u of u and will graduate in august. we'll be married on march 20. pretty much everything else is unknown. typically i'd be freaking out a bit, but things are great and are going to be great.

i haven't finished my official resolution list. i've started some of my goals, but have a lot to do...
-get married.
-graduate from the u.
-exercise more.
-read the norton anthology of english literature "the great authors".
-get a 4.0 my last two semester.
-use coupons and cook.
-declutter. sell and donate what i don't use/need.
-write an email to a friend each day/be a better communicator.

resolution update:
-marriage still on.
-graduation in sight.
-i frequent the field house and see a visible difference. the last couple of weeks i haven't gone as much (i blame wedding planning). i have made cody vow to go with me at least 5 days a week.
-haven't kept up on my "page per day" goal.
-school is going well.
-the first meal i would deem truly successful was prepared the week before last. luckily, i've received awesome cookbooks as shower gifts.
-decluttering is super-duper.
-communication still lucky.

i think i'll make some april on resolutions.

2010-02-15T23:32:00.002-07:00

have you heard the song "rude boy"?

i mean, really? this stuff is on the radio?

remember when rihanna sang about umbrellas and companionship.

my observational research project of the semester

2010-02-10T12:21:00.002-07:00

Many have individual fears concerning public restrooms. They are often poorly kept, covered in used paper towls, sprinkled with unknown fluids, and permeated with an unpleasant aroma. But, what leaves these restrooms may be more frightening than what is found inside of them. How often does one notice his or her fellow water closet patron emerge from a stall and immediately exit the restroom? He or she has completely skipped past the short row of sinks eagerly waiting to be used. He or she has wholly forgotten (or chosen not) to scrub and sanitize his or her hands. The thought of what bacteria may join this person out the door can be enough to bring the toughest of stomachs to upset. Consider another scenario. A man comes out from a bathroom stall and turns directly to the door out. Out of the corner of his eye he sees another man standing in front of a sink at the far end of the restroom. As the man headed out of the restroom's head turns, his eyes meet those of the handwasher. His route is reevaluated, and he promptly finds himself lathering his hands under a stream of running water. Can the presence of another cause such a shift in a public restroom user? The purpose of this study is to examine exactly that. What type of effect does an observer have on a restroom patron's handwashing behavior?

Prepare to be grossed out, as we practice some innocent voyeurism in University of Utah restrooms.

oh yesss.

2010-02-09T17:16:00.000-07:00

2010-02-06T21:16:00.001-07:00

this weekend is wonderful.
but lonely and long.

i am blessed and surrounded by spectacular people in my life.

the scent that lingers...

2010-02-02T15:27:00.003-07:00

sometimes (to often) when i smell smoke from cigarettes (at shows, on campus, walking down the street, etc.) i am flooded with memories of las vegas. it makes me homesick for a place i hate to refer to as home.

consequently, i have come to enjoy small (small!) servings of secondhand smoke.

weird.

the last weekend of january

2010-01-31T22:10:00.000-07:00

the last weekend of january 2006: larson ended our little relationship.
the last weekend of january 2007: kyle broke off our engagement.
the last weekend of january 2008: i found safe haven in the walls of the mtc.
the last weekend of january 2009: i was concerned about the investigators of jiayi.
the last weekend of january 2010: cody have me flowers to celebrate "not-gonna-break-up-with-you-sucka day".

he is too wonderful. far too wonderful for me.

"life is a test. you are like a cheat sheet.
if life were a math test, you would be my ti-10000.
if life were a geography test, you would be my geosafari.
if life were a spelling bee, you'd be my dictionary iphone app."

2010-01-31T10:07:00.003-07:00

yesterday evening cody and i attempted to take our engagement photos.

david is our photographer and friend. he is spectacular. mandi is our moral support and best critic. we love her dearly.

the problem is/was that we are not able to be serious enough to take a real photograph together. we have a few snapshots that our family and friends have taken, but none on our cameras. we just can't do it.

the shoot was said to be a disappointment, but david has hope that at least a few of the thousand he shot will be worthy to be seen by others. i have hope too.

cody left early last night. so, naturally, i redbox-ed bright star. lovely.

2010-01-25T15:42:00.002-07:00

at work i have a new computer, with...

functioning speakers
windows 07/microsoft office that works
access to all company files
faster internet

life is good.

also, today i emailed from 1:50 to 3:20 straight. almost all having to do with wedding plans. this is the life.

one of my favorite things

2010-01-21T21:12:00.005-07:00

...about my friends is being able to sit next to them and say sarcastic remarks under my breath. they laugh or respond with something more silly or sardonic. we get each other.

my classes this semester are kind of hard to get through because i'm friendless. last semester i had mates to snicker with.
in psychology i have one. but he's kind of a child and shows up haphazardly.

better news: my dress arrived at the dress shop and cody's suit arrived at my house. on the same day!

pleasure

2010-01-14T21:12:00.000-07:00

for you and yours...

i miss. . .

2010-01-13T16:15:00.006-07:00

waking up at 6:20am, walking the long way to the track at the elementary school, jogging for 20 minutes then walking home. listening to sister pickering's music as we stretched, lifted weights and did crunches. pedaling hard, smiling widely, talking to everyone. visiting members, serving investigators, teaching god's children. eating spring rolls, drinking peiya xiannai, explaining that i don't drink tea, being served fruit in every home. chatting as we biked home, checking the mail (knowing i'd receive a letter), praying, planning, having a routine. feeling good.

i missed all of this so much my heart ached this morning.

so instead i...
studied a talk by elder holland. killed my abdomen in a pilates work out, drove quickly to work and stayed for seven hours. checked seven things off of my to-do list and marked six items "in progress" (they are dependent upon responses from/action of others), sent five emails about wedding stuff, sent nine other emails with various purposes, printed everything i need for class this week and next. completed my first homework assignment of the semester, wrote a list of homework i have to do, edited a log of parts from 2007. listened to my coworkers vent. discovered my two new favorite songs: get up, get up, get up by barcelona and mouthful of diamonds by phantogram.

later i will...
fill my car with gas, deposit two checks. eat southern style food with friends, discuss engagement photos. file important documents, increase my pile of d.i./for sale items, fold clothes. read from my research methods text. talk to my mom.

nothing is as fulfilling as my mission was.
but life is good. god never ceases to pour blessings into my days.

2010-01-03T21:04:00.000-07:00

i absolutely love seeing male celebrities wearing wedding rings.
i couldn't care less about the female celebrities, but when i see men in the entertainment business wearing rings on their left hands i feel warm.

i realized this when i saw bobby mcferrin's wedding band.

teaching haikus

2009-12-21T13:37:00.003-07:00

for one of my classes about teaching/education we had to do a brief, creative presentation on what we learned this semester. i convinced my group to write haikus.

this is what we learned about urban education...

white man does not care
urban youth are in distress
inner city mess

change is in our minds
caring teachers save the day
reaching out to them

ps- as of 11:19 today i am officially finished with this semester. yes.

in celebration...

2009-12-17T11:29:00.003-07:00

"it's been quite of a while since i could experience your brightness.
now you've got a brighter smile and i think i'm going to like it.
talking 'bout the better things, you know how to maximize.
everything around you will become super-sized."

i think this is my favorite picture of cody and i.

he knows that i love croquet. so he gave me a portable croquet set to follow us on our many adventures around the world. isn't he wonderful?

finally...

2009-12-16T16:49:00.004-07:00

"i waited a long, long time.
i waited a long, long time."

since august 17 i've waited for this day to come. four long months. tomorrow is it. i can think of nothing else. studying lit terms is futile.

tomorrow i'll take my last in class final. (blast my stupid chinese take home!) i'll go home and pack a tiny bag and finish tidying up. i'll eat lunch with my beloved clara. she'll drive me to the airport. i'll fly to tucson. cody and i will drive north together.

cody is moving to utah! hooray!

2009-12-13T11:05:00.002-07:00

it's true. i do love mandi and clara and david and wyatt and lauren and whitney and cody and many others. i am blessed immensely with wonderful people in my life.

during summer, my friend told me that i raped the meaning of the words "favorite" and "best" by overuse. but, i mean, really, can you have too many favorites? can you have too many bests? his argument was that superlatives signify singularity. my argument is that having many many favorite songs and a dozen best friends increases my happiness.

(i just remembered that on my mission i was accused of the same thing. it's interesting the labels you are marked with by people you see a few times a week in the mission field, or companions that spend six continuous weeks at your side.)

Mandi Is My Favorite

2009-12-12T13:46:00.003-07:00

I just want to let everyone know how much I love my friend Mandi. She is wonderful.** I blog so much about Cody that I've neglected to mention how wonderful Mandi and Clara are.

** OK So Jade's account was pulled up when I went to post on my blog... but I bet she really does think I'm wonderful.

merry christmas. love, band aid 20.

2009-12-10T12:25:00.003-07:00

way cool that they redid the song twenty years later. way cool that the involved are exclusively british artists. way cool that they found awesome people to participate (thom yorke, lead singer of travis, the thrills, girl from s club 7, lead singer of ash, robbie williams, chris martin, keane, lead singer of the darkness).

there was also a band aid ii. they released a track in 1989 (five years after the original). it wasn't very good, so i won't waste your time.

one reason my life is super awesome

2009-12-09T13:43:00.004-07:00

i don't know that i've ever laughed so hard, so many ways, so much.

do they know it's christmas

2009-12-03T07:20:00.004-07:00

more philanthropic hits:
sun city by artists united against apartheid
we are the world by usa for africa
do they know it's hallowe'en by the north american hallowe'en prevention initiative

what are you thankful for? pt. 2

2009-11-30T18:04:00.002-07:00

i'm thankful for...
-cody and everything about him
-my mission
-parents who love and support me
-cute little sisters
-great, patient friends
-loving family
-the word of god
-numerous means of communication, esp. skype
-weekly meals
-music
-vegetables
-not worrying about the future
-nature
-opportunities to learn

what are you thankful for? pt. 1

2009-11-25T13:47:00.003-07:00

i love this. look at how happy people are when they talk about what they are grateful for!

give thanks

2009-11-24T13:31:00.003-07:00

this afternoon i noticed something that i'm certain i do on a regular basis. it's awful...

my car was almost out of gas. seriously, running on fumes. the "range" display told me that i had 0 miles until empty. i was several miles from the costco where i intended to fill my tank. i drove impatiently, practically throwing my arms up, my head back and my voice out each time i hit a red light or too turtle-like vehicle. i hoped and prayed and prayed that i would make it to the pump.
i made it. i filled the 4runner, and made it to work on time. all quite miraculous. i realized as i drove toward econova that i had prayed and prayed (pleaded) that Heavenly Father would save me from sitting on the side of the road, waiting for someone to rescue me with a gas can. i had prayed. God had delivered. i had not thanked.

it happens all the time. i pray for little miracles, receive them, then think that it they happened by my own effort or by coincidence or thanks to some other outside force. i have decided to be more mindful of the blessings i am given. everything is a blessing. and all of it comes from above. what a wonderful time to work harder at giving appropriate thanks to He who provides.

we write poetry

2009-11-22T17:05:00.002-07:00

here's one of my recent haikus...

concentrate passion
like overly rich grape juice
please, stain my white shirt

elsewhere

2009-11-22T09:09:00.003-07:00

i constantly wish cody was here.
it is the worst feeling, and the greatest.

the good news is...
last time he was in town some mix ups with flights put him onto one that was overbooked and scheduled to fly out much later than he had hoped. having already missed the day's classes, he opted for an extra night with me and a $400 travel voucher from delta and gave his seat up.
we just used the voucher to buy the means to see each other.

this wednesday evening i fly to phoenix. his parents will pick me up and together we will drive to tucson for thanksgiving. the following monday i will fly home.

the friday after that cody will come to salt lake city. his classes finish the day prior, so he'll stay into the following week, joining us for new food wednesday on tuesday! wednesday morning he'll fly back. (thank you too full flight!)

eight days after cody's departure, thursday the 17th, i shall fly one way to tucson. we will both be finished with finals. my home will be prepared for guest(s). cody's room will be boxed and placed in the back of his little suv. on friday we will make the 12 hour drive to the salt lake valley and cody will officially live in utah again!

less than four weeks until he moves here. and we'll have nine whole days and ten whole nights together in between.

perfect prep for a wonderful christmas season.

also, wedding in four months! (then we won't have to live in different cities!)

suupppeeeerrrrr BORED.

2009-11-19T16:03:00.002-07:00

my mind refuses to sit still. that would be okay, if i didn't have a million things to do. i am incapable of accomplishing on this day.

what have i done since i came to work? chatted with chanen, filed a bit, read a few emails, read a million articles on nutrition (foods mentioned over and over: fish, soy, almonds, oatmeal. i like all of those!), talked with cody, cleaned up my google reader. that's about it. i feel good about the nutrition research (yesterday and today obesity was discussed in two different classes).

i have an hour left, and then i will be off of work. you should spend 8 minutes of my hour reading this. emily dickinson, quoted from a conversation with thomas wentworth higginson, 1870.

"If I read a book [and] it makes my whole body so cold no fire ever can warm me I know that is poetry. If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry. These are the only ways I know it. Is there any other way.
How do most people live without any thoughts. There are many people in the world (you must have noticed them in the street) How do they live. How do they get strength to put on their clothes in the morning.
When I lost the use of my Eyes it was a comfort to think there were so few real books that I could easily find some one to read me all of them.
Truth is such a rare thing it is delightful to tell it.
I find ecstasy in living - in mere sense of living is joy enough."

[my favorite parts are bolded.]

i want to make your body cold and take off the top of your head. maybe one day i'll have a room where i can write like that.

i like emily d. because she was a rebel. she didn't act as society prescribed. she was unconventional. cody and i prefer to throw convention to the wind (in our little ways. actually, we are probably quite conventional. he opens the door for me and stuff.).

if you have the interest, read "Because I could not stop for Death". my classmate, brett, and i came up with an awesome argument based on that poem. i like to discuss literature; it makes my ideas bolder (melanie tells me that i'm not brave enough in papers).

2009-11-18T21:07:00.001-07:00

"her thoughts flew out her ears and lit up the skies like fireflies..."

recent countdowns

2009-11-01T21:27:00.004-07:00

my life used to revolve around whatever big event was coming up. high school led to graduation. freshman year to iceland. sophomore year to the mtc. the mtc to taiwan...
i still look toward upcoming events. but the countdowns i celebrate now are different.

the countdown i'm currently in orbit around in cody's next trip to salt lake city. 4 DAYS.
other countdowns we're working on...
thanksgiving in tucson. 3 WEEKS 3 DAYS.
cody moves to utah after finals. 6 WEEKS.
we are married. 4 MONTHS 3 WEEKS.
summer internship somewhere. 6 MONTHS.
i graduate from the u/we move to tucson. 9 MONTHS.
cody graduates from ua. 18 MONTHS.

i like living life this way. i like having things to look forward to. my favorite countdowns right now are the ones involving cody coming north. friday morning couldn't get here faster.

2009-10-30T08:20:00.002-06:00

another reason we love cody. he shares cool things like this...

thank you, dear.

(also watch the two associate videos. kind of like the making of.)

2009-10-08T16:20:00.004-06:00

i forgot how much i love this video until today.

this is what happened. i woke up with flight of the conchords: "foux de fa fa" in my head. it stayed until this afternoon when i used grooveshark to listen to the the new zealand duo singing it, instead of continuing to listen to myself attempting to. the song reminded me of the feel of kings, especially songs like "cayman islands" and "misread". so i started listening to the album riot on an empty street and then came to watching the video. it is spectacular.

Kings Of Convenience - I'D Rather Dance With You- Watch more Music Videos at Vodpod.

cody is a real boy

2009-10-05T15:54:00.007-06:00

"...For there is nothing which is good save it comes from the Lord..."-Omni 1:25

Have I told you lately how blessed I am? How wonderful my life is? How happy things are? I am incredibly blessed, blessed beyond that which I deserve. My life is extraordinarily wonderful; I have wonderful friends, wonderful family, and a wonderful fiance. Things are super happy. Super duper happy. I know that it all comes from one place. Heavenly Father loves me so much! He has given me so much. I need to be more grateful. I must find out how I can truly "offer [my] whole soul as an offering unto Him." (Omni 1: 26)

Cody was in town a bit more than a week ago. His parents were here too, for his younger brother's ordination to the office of an elder. The Kirks are spectacular. I love them, especially their middle son.

2009-10-02T16:26:00.004-06:00

yesterday i wore uggs all day. autumn is officially here. the thought thrills me. this is my favorite time of the year. everything is so crisp, colours are so rich, layers are so legit.

my summer music ventures were interesting, very interesting, because june 15 marked my reentry. i had left that part of life, or stepped one foot out, placing it smack dab in the middle of the best of religious hits. i'd like to think that i dove back into that which i used to love so much head first. i don't know. maybe my tastes are skewed. i mean, i did listen to mc hot dog on the way to work today.

summer playlists. in order of discovery/obsession/over-heating on my itunes...
where are you go-go-going: loney, dear (the first song i listened to after being released. i'd hate to be sacriligious, but it was spiritual.)
glory: 12 girls band
寶貝(in a day): 張懸 (taiwanese!)
pogo: digitalism (the first "new" song i found.)
kim & jessie: m83
gobbledigook: sigur ros (reintroduction to ardor.)
shake it: metro station (i love this song. i cannot deny it.)
love game: lady gaga (guilty pleasure #2. janelle hates me for this.)
good old fashioned nightmare: matt & kim
kids: mgmt
beauty us: dogs die in hot cars
little bit: lykke li
signs: bloc party
home: edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros (my favorite song of the summer!)
i gotta feeling: black eyed peas (clara!)
something for the good boys: dogs die in hot cars
electric feel: mgmt
l.e.s. artistes: santogold (cheeky squeaky.)
if i was a boy: beyonce (not guilty.)
skinny love: bon iver (first concert. ecstacizing.)
ce jeu: yelle (theme song of summer.)
piece of wood: youth group ("we'll make it through summer" mix, never delivered.)
annie use your telescope: jack's mannequin
evident utensil: chairlift
bruises: chairlift
our life is not a movie or maybe: okkervil river (david. las vegas.)
we own the sky: m83
mango tree: angus, julia stone (brendan.)
she doesn't get it: the format (chloe/petty powell party.)
back to you: coconut records (tucson. love.)
cast a hook: laura veirs
wrecking: laura veirs
tiny birds: yo la tengo (trip to lake powell.)
pablo and andrea: yo la tengo
peach, plum, pear (joanna newsome cover): final fantasy (u of u campus.)
folding chair: regina spektor (avenues street fair.)
eet: regina spektor
1910: phoenix
lasso: phoenix

the fall playlist has started. featuring new man: desert sounds, daniel: bat for lashes, the unicorns and bon iver.
yes, this season will be grand.

2009-10-01T14:55:00.003-06:00

"Doogie Howser, M.D." was my favorite television show. In kindergarten I knew I would marry Doogie or someone just like him. I probably closed my eyes and pretended my victim was wearing a white lab coat as I ran around playing "kissy tag" on the Lowell E.S. playground.

Now Neil Patrick Harris is out of the closet. And I'm marrying Cody. I'm sure that we're both happier this way.

autumn is a dream

2009-09-22T15:19:00.002-06:00

welcome to the first day of autumn. this day began at 5:18 est.

to salute this season, my favorite season, i sit in the econova inc. reception area, "young goodman brown" by nathaniel hawthorne (the scarlet letter seems more fitting) on the desk in front of me, sipping hot white chocolate soy milk, listening to "crack the shutters" by snow patrol (shared by cody), pondering layers and scarves, dark nail polish (i've decided on 'grey nails october'), justified warm drinks, changing leaves, a fall soundtrack, fall break in tucson and vegas, pumpkin baked goods, thanksgiving, candy making day, the commencement of my 23rd year, the unparalleled smell of the furnace.

it is going to be a great quarter, i do not doubt.

2009-09-17T17:26:00.002-06:00

i really hope that jackson, the little boy i used to nanny, turns out just like jay-z. today a wonderful memory of listening to kanye west with jacks went through my head. we both danced. he spun around on the floor and got really into the beat. hip-hop must be in his blood. he's going to marry a babe just like beyonce.

"happy endings" by margaret atwood

2009-09-17T16:43:00.001-06:00

i'm still deciding. presently writing a paper on the tone of this short story.

John and Mary meet.
What happens next?
If you want a happy ending, try A.

A.

John and Mary fall in love and get married. They both have worthwhile and remunerative jobs which they find stimulating and challenging. They buy a charming house. Real estate values go up. Eventually, when they can afford live-in help, they have two children, to whom they are devoted. The children turn out well. John and Mary have a stimulating and challenging sex life and worthwhile friends. They go on fun vacations together. They retire. They both have hobbies which they find stimulating and challenging. Eventually they die. This is the end of the story.

B.

Mary falls in love with John but John doesn't fall in love with Mary. He merely uses her body for selfish pleasure and ego gratification of a tepid kind. He comes to her apartment twice a week and she cooks him dinner, you'll notice that he doesn't even consider her worth the price of a dinner out, and after he's eaten dinner he fucks her and after that he falls asleep, while she does the dishes so he won't think she's untidy, having all those dirty dishes lying around, and puts on fresh lipstick so she'll look good when he wakes up, but when he wakes up he doesn't even notice, he puts on his socks and his shorts and his pants and his shirt and his tie and his shoes, the reverse order from the one in which he took them off. He doesn't take off Mary's clothes, she takes them off herself, she acts as if she's dying for it every time, not because she likes sex exactly, she doesn't, but she wants John to think she does because if they do it often enough surely he'll get used to her, he'll come to depend on her and they will get married, but John goes out the door with hardly so much as a good-night and three days later he turns up at six o'clock and they do the whole thing over again.

Mary gets run-down. Crying is bad for your face, everyone knows that and so does Mary but she can't stop. People at work notice. Her friends tell her John is a rat, a pig, a dog, he isn't good enough for her, but she can't believe it. Inside John, she thinks, is another John, who is much nicer. This other John will emerge like a butterfly from a cocoon, a Jack from a box, a pit from a prune, if the first John is only squeezed enough.

One evening John complains about the food. He has never complained about her food before. Mary is hurt.

Her friends tell her they've seen him in a restaurant with another woman, whose name is Madge. It's not even Madge that finally gets to Mary: it's the restaurant. John has never taken Mary to a restaurant. Mary collects all the sleeping pills and aspirins she can find, and takes them and a half a bottle of sherry. You can see what kind of a woman she is by the fact that it's not even whiskey. She leaves a note for John. She hopes he'll discover her and get her to the hospital in time and repent and then they can get married, but this fails to happen and she dies.

John marries Madge and everything continues as in A.

C.

John, who is an older man, falls in love with Mary, and Mary, who is only twenty-two, feels sorry for him because he's worried about his hair falling out. She sleeps with him even though she's not in love with him. She met him at work. She's in love with someone called James, who is twenty-two also and not yet ready to settle down.

John on the contrary settled down long ago: this is what is bothering him. John has a steady, respectable job and is getting ahead in his field, but Mary isn't impressed by him, she's impressed by James, who has a motorcycle and a fabulous record collection. But James is often away on his motorcycle, being free. Freedom isn't the same for girls, so in the meantime Mary spends Thursday evenings with John. Thursdays are the only days John can get away.

John is married to a woman called Madge and they have two children, a charming house which they bought just before the real estate values went up, and hobbies which they find stimulating and challenging, when they have the time. John tells Mary how important she is to him, but of course he can't leave his wife because a commitment is a commitment. He goes on about this more than is necessary and Mary finds it boring, but older men can keep it up longer so on the whole she has a fairly good time.

One day James breezes in on his motorcycle with some top-grade California hybrid and James and Mary get higher than you'd believe possible and they climb into bed. Everything becomes very underwater, but along comes John, who has a key to Mary's apartment. He finds them stoned and entwined. He's hardly in any position to be jealous, considering Madge, but nevertheless he's overcome with despair. Finally he's middle-aged, in two years he'll be as bald as an egg and he can't stand it. He purchases a handgun, saying he needs it for target practice--this is the thin part of the plot, but it can be dealt with later--and shoots the two of them and himself.

Madge, after a suitable period of mourning, marries an understanding man called Fred and everything continues as in A, but under different names.

D.

Fred and Madge have no problems. They get along exceptionally well and are good at working out any little difficulties that may arise. But their charming house is by the seashore and one day a giant tidal wave approaches. Real estate values go down. The rest of the story is about what caused the tidal wave and how they escape from it. They do, though thousands drown, but Fred and Madge are virtuous and grateful, and continue as in A.

E.

Yes, but Fred has a bad heart. The rest of the story is about how kind and understanding they both are until Fred dies. Then Madge devotes herself to charity work until the end of A. If you like, it can be "Madge," "cancer," "guilty and confused," and "bird watching."

F.

If you think this is all too bourgeois, make John a revolutionary and Mary a counterespionage agent and see how far that gets you. Remember, this is Canada. You'll still end up with A, though in between you may get a lustful brawling saga of passionate involvement, a chronicle of our times, sort of.

You'll have to face it, the endings are the same however you slice it. Don't be deluded by any other endings, they're all fake, either deliberately fake, with malicious intent to deceive, or just motivated by excessive optimism if not by downright sentimentality.

The only authentic ending is the one provided here:
John and Mary die. John and Mary die. John and Mary die.

So much for endings. Beginnings are always more fun. True connoisseurs, however, are known to favor the stretch in between, since it's the hardest to do anything with.

That's about all that can be said for plots, which anyway are just one thing after another, a what and a what and a what.

Now try How and Why.

2009-09-11T13:14:00.002-06:00

sorry laura veirs. i'm not very great with consistency.

sorry everyone else. i do not cease to be an awful communicator. at least i'm consistent in that!

laura: the beginning

2009-08-29T14:01:00.003-06:00

let's start from the beginning. december 2005. this is the video i saw...

it propelled me to her myspace site, then to purchasing the album on itunes. ktp and i would listen for hours, mostly playing "galaxies" over and over. "32 plays?! obsess much?" before long i had other favorites on the album. each song appealed to me for a separate reason.

a week for laura

2009-08-28T18:51:00.002-06:00

laura veirs has done a lot for me the last few days. the last few weeks, actually. my love was rekindled as dave and i drove home from vegas.
she is spectacular. she makes my life better. this week has been full of blessings. i have no right to complain, and laura keeps me from doing so. when i wish i could fill the air with laughter or conversation or the mere presence of the one i love, i fill it with laura's soft chords.
seven days devoted to her...

this is possibly my favorite song from her latest album. i don't know if i can choose favorites with her. that may be like choosing a favorite sibling.

the plate: conclusion

2009-08-26T15:02:00.004-06:00

i returned home from lake powell to a brown kohler's sac marked "for jade". inside of the paper bag was a plastic grocery bag. inside the grocery bag, my white plate. now it is washed and mixed in with the other seven. no one will ever know which it is.

now the ties are cut completely. it is good.

press release

2009-08-13T21:46:00.004-06:00

today i bought a blizzard at dairy queen. in high school i used to eat dipped cones with liz after work. other than that, i don't like dairy queen. what i do like is giving. today was miracle treat day. i didn't enjoy the ice cream very much, but i did enjoy feeling like local children in need of miracles gained as my stomach was filled.

all good works should be reported. philanthropists are nothing unless they tell everyone.

also, one of my life goals is to donate $100,000 to charity. i'm wondering if that should be a lump sum or if i should start keeping track of small contributions and shoot for reaching the goal by the end of my life.

"if living is giving,
i'm ready. i'm willing."

"i'm thinking about how i just want to open up
and give and give and give."

work is slow

2009-08-11T16:33:00.003-06:00

and i am so bored.
new computer. bosses in meetings. 2 phone calls so far all day.

so i composed some emails and looked through my gmail account. i found many interesting things. this included... (c. november 2005)

Things that have changed my life (in no particular order)
-August 30, 2002
-David Bradley Mitchell and Lauren (Anne) Holley
-my first honest crush in three years
-a July conversation concerning absinth, attraction, attachment and agnosticism
-Utah
-sigur ros and takk...
-a medical examination by Dr. Markel

A few of my favorite things...
dancing at shows. pale pink fingernails. artichokes. balanced checkbooks. color coded calendars. perks. sharing books with lauren. ready made. analyzing lyrics. i am sam. boba. a mom who remembers. volvos and saabs. naps. places for everything. rainbow closets. pearls. receiving emails and letters. photography. layers. woodburning fireplaces. life plans. curled eyelashes. large deposits. new music. knitting. lindsay gardens. clearance. a's on late night papers. kickin' it dorm style. random phone calls. the smell of dust in the furnace. crashing on couches. traveling with friends. experimenting with fruit in kitchen. music from my past. lists. martha stewart tendencies. fortune cookies. new friends. understanding. pats on the back. long drives seasoned with good conversation. otsumami. the crunching sound of fresh snow under my feet. nicknames.

i guess a lot has changed, and not much at all. those events are still important. and i still like most of those things.

soon i'm going to clean out my external hard-drive. expect treasures.

kalaar is kewl

2009-08-11T15:40:00.002-06:00

read her

love her

of the weekend

2009-08-11T08:37:00.004-06:00

theme.

i cannot count the number of times dave and i listened to this song.

latest decision my life faces: come home from the lake on thursday to see okkervil river and iron and wine play the twilight concert series. or stay with my family in an overcrowded (cozy) houseboat until saturday.

from the speakers your fake masterpiece comes serenely dribbling.

2009-08-08T13:19:00.001-06:00

also, this week i have discovered that there are things that i resent. i used to resent nothing. i'm not sure about the change.

the realization hit me as keith and i heard "beverly hills" play on our way to the airport. i resent that that is weezer's most listened to track.